Casino Royale Quotes
In an early spy spoof, aging Sir James Bond comes out of retirement to take on SMERSH.
Vesper Lynd: [after discussing poker skills on the train] What else can you surmise, Mr. Bond?
James Bond: About you, Miss Lynd? Well, your beauty's a problem. You worry you won't be taken seriously.
Vesper Lynd: Which one can say of any attractive woman with half a brain.
James Bond: True. But this one overcompensates by wearing slightly masculine clothing. Being more aggressive than her female colleagues. Which gives her a somewhat *prickly* demeanor, and ironically enough, makes it less likely for her to be accepted and promoted by her male superiors, who mistake her insecurities for arrogance. Now, I'd have normally gone with "only child," but by the way you ignored the quip about your parents... I'm going to have to go with "orphan."
Vesper Lynd: All right... by the cut of your suit, you went to Oxford or wherever. Naturally you think human beings dress like that. But you wear it with such disdain, my guess is you didn't come from money, and your school friends never let you forget it. Which means that you were at that school by the grace of someone else's charity: hence that chip on your shoulder. And since you're first thought about me ran to "orphan," that's what I'd say you are.
[he smiles but says nothing]
Vesper Lynd: Oh, you are? I like this poker thing. And that makes perfect sense! Since MI6 looks for maladjusted young men, who give little thought to sacrificing others in order to protect queen and country. You know... former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches.
[Glances at his wrist]
Vesper Lynd: Rolex?
James Bond: Omega.
Vesper Lynd: Beautiful. Now, having just met you, I wouldn't go as far as calling you a cold-hearted bastard...
James Bond: No, of course not.
Vesper Lynd: But it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine. You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits. So as charming as you are, Mr. Bond, I will be keeping my eye on our government's money - and off your perfectly-formed arse.
James Bond: You noticed?
Vesper Lynd: Even accountants have imagination. How was your lamb?
James Bond: Skewered! One sympathizes.
Vesper Lynd: Good evening, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: Good evening, Ms. Lynd.
James Bond: About you, Miss Lynd? Well, your beauty's a problem. You worry you won't be taken seriously.
Vesper Lynd: Which one can say of any attractive woman with half a brain.
James Bond: True. But this one overcompensates by wearing slightly masculine clothing. Being more aggressive than her female colleagues. Which gives her a somewhat *prickly* demeanor, and ironically enough, makes it less likely for her to be accepted and promoted by her male superiors, who mistake her insecurities for arrogance. Now, I'd have normally gone with "only child," but by the way you ignored the quip about your parents... I'm going to have to go with "orphan."
Vesper Lynd: All right... by the cut of your suit, you went to Oxford or wherever. Naturally you think human beings dress like that. But you wear it with such disdain, my guess is you didn't come from money, and your school friends never let you forget it. Which means that you were at that school by the grace of someone else's charity: hence that chip on your shoulder. And since you're first thought about me ran to "orphan," that's what I'd say you are.
[he smiles but says nothing]
Vesper Lynd: Oh, you are? I like this poker thing. And that makes perfect sense! Since MI6 looks for maladjusted young men, who give little thought to sacrificing others in order to protect queen and country. You know... former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches.
[Glances at his wrist]
Vesper Lynd: Rolex?
James Bond: Omega.
Vesper Lynd: Beautiful. Now, having just met you, I wouldn't go as far as calling you a cold-hearted bastard...
James Bond: No, of course not.
Vesper Lynd: But it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine. You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits. So as charming as you are, Mr. Bond, I will be keeping my eye on our government's money - and off your perfectly-formed arse.
James Bond: You noticed?
Vesper Lynd: Even accountants have imagination. How was your lamb?
James Bond: Skewered! One sympathizes.
Vesper Lynd: Good evening, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: Good evening, Ms. Lynd.
James Bond: Dry Martini.
Bartender: Oui, monsieur.
James Bond: Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel.
Bartender: Yes, sir.
Tomelli: You know, I'll have one of those.
Infante: So will I.
Bartender: Certainly.
Felix Leiter: My friend, bring me one as well, keep the fruit.
Le Chiffre: [annoyed] That's it? Hm? Anyone want to play poker now?
Felix Leiter: Someone's in a hurry.
Bartender: Oui, monsieur.
James Bond: Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel.
Bartender: Yes, sir.
Tomelli: You know, I'll have one of those.
Infante: So will I.
Bartender: Certainly.
Felix Leiter: My friend, bring me one as well, keep the fruit.
Le Chiffre: [annoyed] That's it? Hm? Anyone want to play poker now?
Felix Leiter: Someone's in a hurry.
James Bond: [laughing - after being stuck five times with a knotted rope] Now the whole world's gonna know that you died scratching my balls!
Le Chiffre: [holding the rope over one shoulder] Oh... I died? I died?
James Bond: [laughing] Yeah! 'Cause no matter what you do, I'm not gonna give you the password which means your clients are gonna hunt you down and cut you into little pieces of meat while you're still breathing. Because if you kill me, there'll be nowhere else to hide.
Le Chiffre: [rounds on Bond] But you are SO WRONG! 'Cause even after I slaughtered you and your little girlfriend, your people would still welcome me with open arms... because they need... what I know.
James Bond: [quietly] The big picture.
[in another room, Vesper screams. Bond and Le Chiffre notice this]
Le Chiffre: Give me the password, and I will at least let her live.
[slaps Bond on the cheek again]
Le Chiffre: Bond, do it soon enough and she might even be in one piece.
[Bond considers this, then looks at Le Chiffre and laughs. Le Chiffre laughs as well, and realizes that Bond will not give in to the torture]
Le Chiffre: You *really* aren't going to tell me, are you?
James Bond: [laughing] No.
Le Chiffre: [holding the rope over one shoulder] Oh... I died? I died?
James Bond: [laughing] Yeah! 'Cause no matter what you do, I'm not gonna give you the password which means your clients are gonna hunt you down and cut you into little pieces of meat while you're still breathing. Because if you kill me, there'll be nowhere else to hide.
Le Chiffre: [rounds on Bond] But you are SO WRONG! 'Cause even after I slaughtered you and your little girlfriend, your people would still welcome me with open arms... because they need... what I know.
James Bond: [quietly] The big picture.
[in another room, Vesper screams. Bond and Le Chiffre notice this]
Le Chiffre: Give me the password, and I will at least let her live.
[slaps Bond on the cheek again]
Le Chiffre: Bond, do it soon enough and she might even be in one piece.
[Bond considers this, then looks at Le Chiffre and laughs. Le Chiffre laughs as well, and realizes that Bond will not give in to the torture]
Le Chiffre: You *really* aren't going to tell me, are you?
James Bond: [laughing] No.
M: Who the hell do they think they are? I report to the Prime Minister and even he's smart enough not to ask me what we do. Have you ever seen such a bunch of self-righteous, ass-covering prigs? They don't care what we do; they care what we get photographed doing. And how the hell could Bond be so stupid? I give him double-O status and he celebrates by shooting up an embassy. Is the man deranged? And where the hell is he? In the old days if an agent did something that embarrassing he'd have a good sense to defect. Christ, I miss the Cold War.
Le Chiffre: [after striking Bond with a knotted rope] You know, I never understood all these elaborate tortures. It's the simplest thing... to cause more pain than a man can possibly endure.
[strikes Bond again, this time harder]
Le Chiffre: And of course, it's not only the immediate agony, but the knowledge... that if you do not yield soon enough... there will be little left to identify you as a man.
[drags up a stool, sits down next to Bond and slaps him on the cheek]
Le Chiffre: The only question remains: will you yield, in time?
[strikes Bond again, this time harder]
Le Chiffre: And of course, it's not only the immediate agony, but the knowledge... that if you do not yield soon enough... there will be little left to identify you as a man.
[drags up a stool, sits down next to Bond and slaps him on the cheek]
Le Chiffre: The only question remains: will you yield, in time?
M: You've got a bloody cheek!
James Bond: Sorry. I'll shoot the camera first next time.
M: Or yourself. You stormed into an Embassy. You violated the only absolutely inviolate rule of international relations, and why? So you could kill a nobody. We wanted to question him, not to kill him! For God's sake! You're supposed to display some kind of judgement.
James Bond: I did. I thought one less bomb maker in the world would be a good thing.
M: Exactly. One bomb maker. We're trying to figure out how an entire network of terrorist groups is financed and you give us one bomb maker. Hardly the big picture, wouldn't you say?
James Bond: Sorry. I'll shoot the camera first next time.
M: Or yourself. You stormed into an Embassy. You violated the only absolutely inviolate rule of international relations, and why? So you could kill a nobody. We wanted to question him, not to kill him! For God's sake! You're supposed to display some kind of judgement.
James Bond: I did. I thought one less bomb maker in the world would be a good thing.
M: Exactly. One bomb maker. We're trying to figure out how an entire network of terrorist groups is financed and you give us one bomb maker. Hardly the big picture, wouldn't you say?
[Bond, having been poisoned, is attempting to use a defibrillator on himself while a doctor talks him through the process over the phone, but the defibrillator has come disconnected. Bond passes out and his heart stops. Vesper arrives, reconnects the defibrillator, and uses it to restart Bond's heart. He regains consciousness]
James Bond: You OK?
Vesper Lynd: Me?
James Bond: Thank you.
Hot Room Doctor: You're welcome. Now get yourself off to a hospital.
James Bond: I will do. As soon as I've won this game.
Vesper Lynd: You're not seriously going back there?
James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
James Bond: You OK?
Vesper Lynd: Me?
James Bond: Thank you.
Hot Room Doctor: You're welcome. Now get yourself off to a hospital.
James Bond: I will do. As soon as I've won this game.
Vesper Lynd: You're not seriously going back there?
James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
Felix Leiter: I should have introduced myself, seeing as we're related. Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley.
[sees that Bond has a knife]
Felix Leiter: You should have faith. As long as you keep your head about you, I think you have him.
James Bond: Had. Excuse me.
Felix Leiter: You're not buying in?
James Bond: No.
Felix Leiter: Listen, I'm bleeding chips. I'm not going to last much longer. You have a better chance. I'll stake you. I'm saying I'll give you the money to keep going. Just one thing: you pull it off, the CIA bring him in.
James Bond: What about the winnings?
Felix Leiter: Does it look like we need the money?
[sees that Bond has a knife]
Felix Leiter: You should have faith. As long as you keep your head about you, I think you have him.
James Bond: Had. Excuse me.
Felix Leiter: You're not buying in?
James Bond: No.
Felix Leiter: Listen, I'm bleeding chips. I'm not going to last much longer. You have a better chance. I'll stake you. I'm saying I'll give you the money to keep going. Just one thing: you pull it off, the CIA bring him in.
James Bond: What about the winnings?
Felix Leiter: Does it look like we need the money?
Mr. White: Hello?
James Bond: Mr. White? We need to talk.
Mr. White: Who is this?
[a shot rings out. White's leg is shattered. He drops to the ground in obvious pain and drags himself toward the house. He is stopped at the steps by the feet of a man in a suit. He looks up to see Bond with a cell phone in one hand and an assault weapon in the other]
James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond.
James Bond: Mr. White? We need to talk.
Mr. White: Who is this?
[a shot rings out. White's leg is shattered. He drops to the ground in obvious pain and drags himself toward the house. He is stopped at the steps by the feet of a man in a suit. He looks up to see Bond with a cell phone in one hand and an assault weapon in the other]
James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond.
Solange: [they are kissing on the floor of his beachfront suite] You like married women... don't you, James?
James Bond: It keeps things simple.
Solange: [laughs] What is it about bad men? You... my husband. I had so many chances to be happy, so many nice guys. Why can't nice guys be more like you?
James Bond: Because then they'd be bad.
Solange: [kissing him some more] Mmmmm, yeah...!
James Bond: It keeps things simple.
Solange: [laughs] What is it about bad men? You... my husband. I had so many chances to be happy, so many nice guys. Why can't nice guys be more like you?
James Bond: Because then they'd be bad.
Solange: [kissing him some more] Mmmmm, yeah...!
Mata Bond: You know, if you weren't my dad I think I could fancy you.
Sir James: That's very good of you, my dear. Rather warm in here, don't you think?
Mata Bond: Cool it, Charlie. So you want me to go to berlin, huh?
Sir James: Now Mata, you remember the old house on the Felmannstrasse?
Mata Bond: Yeah, where Mum had a dancing school.
Sir James: That has now become International Mother's Help. But that's just a cover for its reall function. It is... Does he speak English?
Mata Bond: Hey Charlie, you speak English?
Charlie: No.
Sir James: That's very good of you, my dear. Rather warm in here, don't you think?
Mata Bond: Cool it, Charlie. So you want me to go to berlin, huh?
Sir James: Now Mata, you remember the old house on the Felmannstrasse?
Mata Bond: Yeah, where Mum had a dancing school.
Sir James: That has now become International Mother's Help. But that's just a cover for its reall function. It is... Does he speak English?
Mata Bond: Hey Charlie, you speak English?
Charlie: No.
[Dryden, an MOD director, comes into his office late at night. After sitting at his desk, he finds James Bond sitting in the shadows]
James Bond: M doesn't mind you earning a little money on the side, Dryden. She'd just prefer it if it wasn't selling secrets.
Dryden: If the theatrics are supposed to scare me, you have the wrong man, Bond. If M was so sure that I was bent, she'd have sent a double-0. Benefits of being section chief, I'd know if anyone had been promoted to double-0 status, wouldn't I? Your file shows no kills, and it takes...
James Bond: Two.
Dryden: [pulls a gun and points it at Bond] Shame... we barely got to know each other.
[pulls the trigger, but nothing happens]
James Bond: [holds up the clip from Dryden's pistol] I know where you keep your gun. I suppose that's something.
Dryden: [lowers his gun] True. How did he die?
James Bond: Your contact? Not well.
[cut to a scene of Bond savagely beating a man to death in a bathroom]
Dryden: Made you feel it, did he? Well, you needn't worry. The second is...
[Bond pulls his gun and kills Dryden]
James Bond: Yes... considerably
James Bond: M doesn't mind you earning a little money on the side, Dryden. She'd just prefer it if it wasn't selling secrets.
Dryden: If the theatrics are supposed to scare me, you have the wrong man, Bond. If M was so sure that I was bent, she'd have sent a double-0. Benefits of being section chief, I'd know if anyone had been promoted to double-0 status, wouldn't I? Your file shows no kills, and it takes...
James Bond: Two.
Dryden: [pulls a gun and points it at Bond] Shame... we barely got to know each other.
[pulls the trigger, but nothing happens]
James Bond: [holds up the clip from Dryden's pistol] I know where you keep your gun. I suppose that's something.
Dryden: [lowers his gun] True. How did he die?
James Bond: Your contact? Not well.
[cut to a scene of Bond savagely beating a man to death in a bathroom]
Dryden: Made you feel it, did he? Well, you needn't worry. The second is...
[Bond pulls his gun and kills Dryden]
James Bond: Yes... considerably
Sir James: [Legionnaire salutes and rattles off something in French] Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire: [consults the book chained to his belt] The French have arrived!
Sir James: Look out!
French Legionnaire: [turns and punches a bad guy, then grabs his fist] Merde!
Sir James: Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire: [consults his book again] Ooch?
French Legionnaire: [consults the book chained to his belt] The French have arrived!
Sir James: Look out!
French Legionnaire: [turns and punches a bad guy, then grabs his fist] Merde!
Sir James: Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire: [consults his book again] Ooch?
Frau Hoffner: Come along, child. The auction is about to begin.
Mata Bond: Auction?
Frau Hoffner: Tonight we are selling one of the finest art collections in Europe.
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre's collection?
Frau Hoffner: Who?
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre.
Frau Hoffner: Who's Le Chiffre?
Mata Bond: The man who owns the collection.
Frau Hoffner: What collection?
Mata Bond: The collection that's about to be auctioned.
Frau Hoffner: Who said anything about an auction?
Mata Bond: You did.
Frau Hoffner: Who am I?
Mata Bond: Frau Hoffner.
Frau Hoffner: Never heard of her. You're insane, my child, quite insane.
Mata Bond: I think she's right!
Mata Bond: Auction?
Frau Hoffner: Tonight we are selling one of the finest art collections in Europe.
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre's collection?
Frau Hoffner: Who?
Mata Bond: Le Chiffre.
Frau Hoffner: Who's Le Chiffre?
Mata Bond: The man who owns the collection.
Frau Hoffner: What collection?
Mata Bond: The collection that's about to be auctioned.
Frau Hoffner: Who said anything about an auction?
Mata Bond: You did.
Frau Hoffner: Who am I?
Mata Bond: Frau Hoffner.
Frau Hoffner: Never heard of her. You're insane, my child, quite insane.
Mata Bond: I think she's right!
Evelyn Tremble: [Vesper has just been kidnapped] Haven't by any chance seen a young lady in a green dress, have you?
Casino Doorman: [Who witnessed the kidnapping] Let me see, sir. Would that be a lady with a black bag over her head being manhandled by two unsavory gentlemens?
Evelyn Tremble: Could very well be, yes.
Casino Doorman: She went that way, sir, in a car.
Casino Doorman: [Who witnessed the kidnapping] Let me see, sir. Would that be a lady with a black bag over her head being manhandled by two unsavory gentlemens?
Evelyn Tremble: Could very well be, yes.
Casino Doorman: She went that way, sir, in a car.
Frau Hoffner: [Mata just arrived at International Mother's Help] Who are you? What do you want?
Mata Bond: I'm here to enroll as a student.
Frau Hoffner: What are you qualifications, hmmmm?
Mata Bond: I am the daughter of Mata Hari.
Polo: Mata Hari!
Frau Hoffner: You are a liar.
Mata Bond: Am I? What about this, then?
[She takes off her coat to reveal a belly-dancing outfit]
Mata Bond: I'm here to enroll as a student.
Frau Hoffner: What are you qualifications, hmmmm?
Mata Bond: I am the daughter of Mata Hari.
Polo: Mata Hari!
Frau Hoffner: You are a liar.
Mata Bond: Am I? What about this, then?
[She takes off her coat to reveal a belly-dancing outfit]
Sir James: [In Mata's room] Who are all these people?
Mata Bond: They're the high priests of the temple. Okay, Fred, up it!
[a priest gets up and bows as he leaves]
Sir James: What an extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you like some kind of goddess.
Mata Bond: Well, I am the celestial virgin of the sacred altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course.
Mata Bond: They're the high priests of the temple. Okay, Fred, up it!
[a priest gets up and bows as he leaves]
Sir James: What an extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you like some kind of goddess.
Mata Bond: Well, I am the celestial virgin of the sacred altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course.
Alex Dimitrios: I'm having a hard time seeing how this is my fault. It's your plan. All I did was get you the man.
Le Chiffre: A man who was under surveillance by the British Secret Service... which makes me wonder if I can trust you at all.
Alex Dimitrios: Then don't. I couldn't care less. But, I do care about my reputation. I have someone else willing to do the job. He just needs the particulars, and payment.
Le Chiffre: A man who was under surveillance by the British Secret Service... which makes me wonder if I can trust you at all.
Alex Dimitrios: Then don't. I couldn't care less. But, I do care about my reputation. I have someone else willing to do the job. He just needs the particulars, and payment.
James Bond: [Talking privately after losing all his chips] I need the other five million to buy back in. Look, I made a mistake I was impatient maybe I was arrogant but I can beat him
Vesper Lynd: I'm sorry
James Bond: [Angrily] "sorry?", why don't you try putting that in a sentence like maybe "sorry Le Chiffre is going to win and continue funding terrorism and killing innocent people", that kind of "sorry"?
Vesper Lynd: You lost because of your ego, and that same "ego" can't take it, that's what this is about all you're going to do now is lose more
James Bond: [Mumbling] well, then you're a bloody idiot
James Bond: I'm sorry?
Vesper Lynd: I said you're a bloody idiot look in my eyes, I can beat this man, you know that
James Bond: Get your hand off my arm
Vesper Lynd: I'm sorry
James Bond: [Angrily] "sorry?", why don't you try putting that in a sentence like maybe "sorry Le Chiffre is going to win and continue funding terrorism and killing innocent people", that kind of "sorry"?
Vesper Lynd: You lost because of your ego, and that same "ego" can't take it, that's what this is about all you're going to do now is lose more
James Bond: [Mumbling] well, then you're a bloody idiot
James Bond: I'm sorry?
Vesper Lynd: I said you're a bloody idiot look in my eyes, I can beat this man, you know that
James Bond: Get your hand off my arm
Polo: You're so like your mother, you're driving me insane.
Mata Bond: Well, you haven't got far to go.
Polo: Come to me. Come to me, my little Mata. Come to me. Come!
[He falls off the bed, Mata opens the door]
Mata Bond: About time you were back in your box, innit?
Polo: You must forgive me. I lose control of myself. I'm a mad fool. Mad.
Mata Bond: You want an argument?
Mata Bond: Well, you haven't got far to go.
Polo: Come to me. Come to me, my little Mata. Come to me. Come!
[He falls off the bed, Mata opens the door]
Mata Bond: About time you were back in your box, innit?
Polo: You must forgive me. I lose control of myself. I'm a mad fool. Mad.
Mata Bond: You want an argument?
Sir James: They seem to treat you like some kind of a goddess.
Mata Bond: Well, I am the Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course! Some tea?
Sir James: Ah, cup of tea, splendid.
Mata Bond: Its made from poppy seeds. Two cups of this and you're stoned out of your mind!
Mata Bond: Well, I am the Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar.
Sir James: Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond: Of course! Some tea?
Sir James: Ah, cup of tea, splendid.
Mata Bond: Its made from poppy seeds. Two cups of this and you're stoned out of your mind!
Agent Mimi: To your right Sir James Bond, Lady Mary. Daughter of Douglas McTarry, raped by the Campbells in 1622. In retaliation of which Lord Douglas sent his only son, Hamish, out to rape twel' Campbell lasses.
Sir James: At-t-t the same time?
Agent Mimi: Eldest first, of course. As prescribed by scripture. Youngest bore him triplets. Their union thus bounteously blessed a contract of marriage was entered into which brought the McTarrys Black Loch, Ben Tarn, the Shagsa Rock, Glenlocke and a good stretch of salmon water.
Sir James: At-t-t the same time?
Agent Mimi: Eldest first, of course. As prescribed by scripture. Youngest bore him triplets. Their union thus bounteously blessed a contract of marriage was entered into which brought the McTarrys Black Loch, Ben Tarn, the Shagsa Rock, Glenlocke and a good stretch of salmon water.
Frau Hoffner: The Mata Hari School of Dancing is the only truly international school of espionage in the world.
Polo: In the world.
Frau Hoffner: There is no political prejudice here.
Polo: Prejudice.
Frau Hoffner: We train Russian spies for America.
Polo: America.
Frau Hoffner: And American spies for Russia.
Mata Bond: Very democratic.
Frau Hoffner: *Very* democratic.
Polo: In the world.
Frau Hoffner: There is no political prejudice here.
Polo: Prejudice.
Frau Hoffner: We train Russian spies for America.
Polo: America.
Frau Hoffner: And American spies for Russia.
Mata Bond: Very democratic.
Frau Hoffner: *Very* democratic.
