Cabin Fever Quotes
A group of five college graduates rent a cabin in the woods and begin to fall victim to a horrifying flesh-eating virus, which attracts the unwanted attention of the homicidal locals.
[Bert leaves the cabin with a rifle]
Karen: Bert, what the hell is that?
Bert: Huh? Oh, I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.
Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?
Bert: 'cause they're gay.
Karen: Bert, don't be a fucking retard.
Bert: I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.
Karen: Bert, what the hell is that?
Bert: Huh? Oh, I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.
Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?
Bert: 'cause they're gay.
Karen: Bert, don't be a fucking retard.
Bert: I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.
Marcy: [Two of Marcy's friends have caught the deadly virus, her boyfriend has just run off and abandoned them, leaving her and Paul alone in the cabin] We're all gonna get it. We're all gonna get sick. Jeff's off in the woods getting drunk.
Paul: No. Burt's gonna get help, Karen will be fine. I promise.
Marcy: It's like being on a plane, when you know it's gonna crash - everyone around you is screaming, yelling "We're going down! We're going down!" And all you really wanna do is grab the person next to you and fuck the shit out of them, 'cuz you know you're gonna be dead soon, anyway.
[She looks seductively at Paul, who actually is 'the person next to her']
Paul: No. Burt's gonna get help, Karen will be fine. I promise.
Marcy: It's like being on a plane, when you know it's gonna crash - everyone around you is screaming, yelling "We're going down! We're going down!" And all you really wanna do is grab the person next to you and fuck the shit out of them, 'cuz you know you're gonna be dead soon, anyway.
[She looks seductively at Paul, who actually is 'the person next to her']
Paul: All the employees were held at gunpoint, and then after they had been gagged and beaten, they were tied to chairs. They were set in a circle, so that way, everybody was forced to watch everybody else. And then the robber, this sick maniac, he goes and finds one of those little ball-peen hammers, and then one by one, he smashed the backs of their heads open with the hammer. Everyone had to watch their friends die, knowing that they'd soon be next. The guy doesn't stop there. He goes and he breaks out the fire axe. The alarm goes off; he doesn't give a shit. He hacked off all their limbs.
[Group is sitting around a campfire, telling stories]
Jeff: Tell them about The Happy Bald Guy.
Karen: No, I can't take it
Paul: He was the guy that gave us our shoes and quarters for the video games. There was a room with a pool table too, but my dad wouldn't let us go back there. The bald guy was always happy, always smiling. But the killer got him too. When the cops searched the place, they found all the hacked off limbs at the end of the bowling lanes. The guy had bowled people's organs. Arms, legs, everything. They found the bald guy's head in the ball return. He was still smiling.
Jeff: Tell them about The Happy Bald Guy.
Karen: No, I can't take it
Paul: He was the guy that gave us our shoes and quarters for the video games. There was a room with a pool table too, but my dad wouldn't let us go back there. The bald guy was always happy, always smiling. But the killer got him too. When the cops searched the place, they found all the hacked off limbs at the end of the bowling lanes. The guy had bowled people's organs. Arms, legs, everything. They found the bald guy's head in the ball return. He was still smiling.
Marcy: [after having a spontaneous sexual encounter with her, Paul awkwardly informs Marcy that he intends to leave the Cabin immediately, which surprises her] What about Bert?
Paul: [Agitated] I can't wait for him any longer. I have to get out of here!
Marcy: Paul, what about Karen? PAUL?
[She sighs, realizing that he has already gone, leaving her all alone]
Paul: [Agitated] I can't wait for him any longer. I have to get out of here!
Marcy: Paul, what about Karen? PAUL?
[She sighs, realizing that he has already gone, leaving her all alone]
Karen: Paul? Is everything okay?
Deputy Winston: Howdy, ma'am. Everything's Fine. Just go back inside, have yourself a big 40... just party.
Karen: Umm... Okay.
Deputy Winston: Oh, Daddy, why are you talking about leaving? You've got to stay and party.
Paul: That's why we came here in the first place.
Deputy Winston: I'm telling you, this is a major party town.
Paul: Really? Are you kidding me?
Deputy Winston: You know what it's like when you go to a new town and you're the new guy? All the girls see you walking down the street. They don't know you've got five pounds of dingaling meat. They're looking for no commitment. You understand what I'm saying? I've heard that theory before. This is that town. It's like when I go party up at Wambusau. My cousin goes to school there. When I party at Wambusau, I know I'm gonna get pussy. Plus the girls there don't know I'm a deputy. So I know they're gonna party hard with me. Believe me, man, they do.
Paul: That's too bad, I bet you ruled this town before you had a badge.
Deputy Winston: Yeah, but a badge makes you grow up quick.
Deputy Winston: Howdy, ma'am. Everything's Fine. Just go back inside, have yourself a big 40... just party.
Karen: Umm... Okay.
Deputy Winston: Oh, Daddy, why are you talking about leaving? You've got to stay and party.
Paul: That's why we came here in the first place.
Deputy Winston: I'm telling you, this is a major party town.
Paul: Really? Are you kidding me?
Deputy Winston: You know what it's like when you go to a new town and you're the new guy? All the girls see you walking down the street. They don't know you've got five pounds of dingaling meat. They're looking for no commitment. You understand what I'm saying? I've heard that theory before. This is that town. It's like when I go party up at Wambusau. My cousin goes to school there. When I party at Wambusau, I know I'm gonna get pussy. Plus the girls there don't know I'm a deputy. So I know they're gonna party hard with me. Believe me, man, they do.
Paul: That's too bad, I bet you ruled this town before you had a badge.
Deputy Winston: Yeah, but a badge makes you grow up quick.
Deputy Winston: Looks like you guys were doing some pretty good partying, huh?
Paul: Yeah, you know, we were drinking and then this guy came along and tried to break into the cabin. We had no choice but to get rough. I feel awful, but he was going crazy. He smashed into our car, and then he wouldn't come out, so... we had to hit him. We hurt him. We were terrified. We didn't know what to do. That's why we went to look for help...
Deputy Winston: Hey, man, I told you... I'm gonna make a report. Don't worry about it. He ain't gonna come back. Looks like you guys scared him away pretty good. I ain't gonna let him ruin your fun.
Paul: Thank you. My friend's inside right now and she's pretty freaked out. She wants to go home. We all kind of do.
Deputy Winston: A lady friend, huh? I bet you like to party.
Paul: Yeah, you know, we were drinking and then this guy came along and tried to break into the cabin. We had no choice but to get rough. I feel awful, but he was going crazy. He smashed into our car, and then he wouldn't come out, so... we had to hit him. We hurt him. We were terrified. We didn't know what to do. That's why we went to look for help...
Deputy Winston: Hey, man, I told you... I'm gonna make a report. Don't worry about it. He ain't gonna come back. Looks like you guys scared him away pretty good. I ain't gonna let him ruin your fun.
Paul: Thank you. My friend's inside right now and she's pretty freaked out. She wants to go home. We all kind of do.
Deputy Winston: A lady friend, huh? I bet you like to party.
