Bowfinger Quotes
When a desperate movie producer fails to get a major star for his bargain basement film, he decides to shoot the film secretly around him.
Kit: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
Robert K. Bowfinger: ...but what are some of your favorite TV shows?
Daisy: I love the Flintstones.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh I love the Flintstones too, that's so good, do you like that? Now, okay, do you like walks in the park?
Daisy: In the rain!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh God, you know what, I want you to see the Music Man, because...
Daisy: I've seen that! I love the Music Man!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Isn't Robert Preston good?
Daisy: He's so good! Do you LOVE Smashing Pumpkins?
Robert K. Bowfinger: Are you kid - I LOVE to do that!
Daisy: I love the Flintstones.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh I love the Flintstones too, that's so good, do you like that? Now, okay, do you like walks in the park?
Daisy: In the rain!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh God, you know what, I want you to see the Music Man, because...
Daisy: I've seen that! I love the Music Man!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Isn't Robert Preston good?
Daisy: He's so good! Do you LOVE Smashing Pumpkins?
Robert K. Bowfinger: Are you kid - I LOVE to do that!
Robert K. Bowfinger: Do you have any experience in motion pictures?
Jiff Ramsey: Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey: [sighs] Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.
Jiff Ramsey: Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey: [sighs] Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #1.
Kit: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #2.
Kit: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3.
Kit: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
Kit: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #2.
Kit: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3.
Kit: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.
Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it...
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'...
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare!
Freddy: Shakespeare?
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now!
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'...
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare!
Freddy: Shakespeare?
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now!
Carol: I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I just want you to know that you were so real in your response to the aliens. I mean, I wasn't even sure that I could be a pod person, but now I'm enjoying it, because you made the aliens come alive. It was like they were living inside of me! At first I was nervous about us having sex, but now I think it's a good idea, as long as we do it in a professional manner... and of course, there will be a lot of people watching. I won't bother you anymore.
Robert K. Bowfinger: And why is this going to work? Because Afrim here is a damn fine screenwriter, as well as accountant and part time receptionist. I said to Afrim "If you can write half as well as you can add-" Well I didn't even have to finish my sentence. Twelve days later he hands me this, this masterpiece. Afrim, tell them what it's called.
Afrim: Chubby Rain.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Tell them why!
Afrim: Because when the aliens come down to earth, they come inside raindrops, making the rain chubby. Chubby rain!
Afrim: Chubby Rain.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Tell them why!
Afrim: Because when the aliens come down to earth, they come inside raindrops, making the rain chubby. Chubby rain!
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: And what is it that we don't do?
Kit: Oh, man!
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: What is it?
Kit: Look, I have to show it to the Laker Girls.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: You cannot show it to the Laker Girls. I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls but you can never show it to the Laker Girls. Keep Mr Weenie in the pants. Always in the pants.
Kit: Oh, man!
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: What is it?
Kit: Look, I have to show it to the Laker Girls.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: You cannot show it to the Laker Girls. I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls but you can never show it to the Laker Girls. Keep Mr Weenie in the pants. Always in the pants.
