Blades of Glory Quotes
In 2002, two rival Olympic ice skaters were stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from men's single competition. Presently, however, they've found a loophole that will allow them to qualify as a pairs team.
Jimmy: So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach: Oh, really?
Chazz: We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Blackeyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I'm a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative...
Jimmy: No, it's not, it's gross...
Chazz: ...It gets the people going!
Coach: Oh, really?
Chazz: We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Blackeyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I'm a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative...
Jimmy: No, it's not, it's gross...
Chazz: ...It gets the people going!
Fairchild Van Waldenberg: Two men skating together? And in our division, no less! Why, Stranz? Why is God singling us out to the greatest suffering the world has ever known?
Stranz Van Waldenberg: I don't know, sis; those two are just a couple of freaks.
Fairchild Van Waldenberg: Yeah, and the media loves freaks.
Stranz Van Waldenberg: I don't know, sis; those two are just a couple of freaks.
Fairchild Van Waldenberg: Yeah, and the media loves freaks.
[Chazz and Jimmy have just seen the decapitation caused by the Iron Lotus on video]
Coach: [confidently] Okay, so what do you say? Let's try an Iron Lotus.
Chazz: Are you nuts?
Jimmy: Wha...? We can't do that!
Coach: C'mon. What are you talking about? Look, after all these years, I know what went wrong. The physics were off; it was a man and a woman. That's why it didn't work. You're two men... you should be fine.
Coach: [confidently] Okay, so what do you say? Let's try an Iron Lotus.
Chazz: Are you nuts?
Jimmy: Wha...? We can't do that!
Coach: C'mon. What are you talking about? Look, after all these years, I know what went wrong. The physics were off; it was a man and a woman. That's why it didn't work. You're two men... you should be fine.
Chazz: And that's why I was a sex addict because no one ever loved me, but I learned something here today, that ice it doesn't belong in here
[pointing to heart]
Chazz: it belongs out there, out on the ice, in an ice rink. I never had a father okay, but I don't care because now I've got a brother
[grabs Jimmy]
Chazz: , this is my brother
[grabs Katie]
Chazz: and this is my brothers new girlfriend and she is not a whore. I'm in a lot of pain I think I'm gonna barf.
Jimmy: Chazz, Chazz they gotta get you to a hospital.
Chazz: What, no and miss the smell of sweet gold not on your life.
[pointing to heart]
Chazz: it belongs out there, out on the ice, in an ice rink. I never had a father okay, but I don't care because now I've got a brother
[grabs Jimmy]
Chazz: , this is my brother
[grabs Katie]
Chazz: and this is my brothers new girlfriend and she is not a whore. I'm in a lot of pain I think I'm gonna barf.
Jimmy: Chazz, Chazz they gotta get you to a hospital.
Chazz: What, no and miss the smell of sweet gold not on your life.
Coach: [interjecting as Chazz and Jimmy are arguing] All right, this is gonna stop right now! From here on out, you guys are a team. Do you understand? You are going to eat together, sleep together, you are going to pee together, you're gonna file a joint income tax return; practice starts now! End of discussion!
Chazz: [drunk while performing in "Grublets On Ice"] Hey! Hey, you little forest creatures! None of you sons of bitches try to be heroes!
Chazz: [drunk while performing in "Grublets On Ice"] I just threw up in here, people. That's the reality. Just another layer to the legend. I am nothing but a human onion! In fact, we all a... Ugh, encore!
[begins throwing up again]
Chazz: [drunk while performing in "Grublets On Ice"] I just threw up in here, people. That's the reality. Just another layer to the legend. I am nothing but a human onion! In fact, we all a... Ugh, encore!
[begins throwing up again]
Chazz: Hey, MacElroy, was that your routine or a performance of Cirque de So Lame? Besides, you're too late; they already handed out the girls' medals this morning.
Jimmy: Shut up, Michaels. That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.
Chazz: I was on quaaludes, I don't even REMEMBER Oslo.
Jimmy: Shut up, Michaels. That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.
Chazz: I was on quaaludes, I don't even REMEMBER Oslo.
Chazz: [while performing in Grublets on Ice] Hey everybody, this is Gary the squirrel! You know me and Gary have been skating for two and a half years now. i remember when we were hanging out near a bus stop in Tucson, He said "Hey, I've got a third ball"
[Chazz pukes in his wizard mask]
Chazz: I just puked in here people!
[Chazz pukes in his wizard mask]
Chazz: I just puked in here people!
