Big Trouble in Little China Quotes
An All-American trucker gets dragged into a centuries-old mystical battle in Chinatown.
Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
Jack Burton: Mutual Fidelity Insureres of Sacramento... well there's gotta be a listing honey, cause I pay 'um 6 g's a year in premiums.
Uncle Chu: China is here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, they've been fighting for centuries.
Jack Burton: What the hell does that mean? huh? China is here, I don't even know what the hell that means, all I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!
Wang Chi: Jack please...
[lightning strikes and Wang becomes silent]
Uncle Chu: WHAT HAPPENED!
Wang Chi: He didnt uncle Chu, not like he says.
Jack Burton: [diverting from his phone call] Sure did uncle Chu, 2 hours ago, Tall guy Weird clothes, first you see him then you don't.
[back to his call]
Jack Burton: yeah, is this just a switch board or something...
Uncle Chu: Lo Pan appeared on the street? Wang Chi why didn't you tell me?
Wang Chi: We didn't want to alarm you uncle.
Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I'm gonna tell you about an accident and I dont want to hear an act of god alright.
[enter Eddie]
Eddie: Good Afternoon Mr. Wong
Wang Chi: Eddie, meet my dear friend Jack Burton. Jack, Eddie is the new maitre'd here at the Black Pool.
Uncle Chu: And a whole lot more.
Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I don't know my policy number, it's in the glove compartment, just look under B.U.R.T.O.N. alright.
Uncle Chu: Jack Burton?
[Jack turns to his name being called]
Uncle Chu: Wow, the guy you always told me about huh? So that was your abandon truck.
Jack Burton: Yeah, abandon like hell.
[to the phone]
Jack Burton: Hey! Hello! Hello! AAHHH Christ.
Eddie: Bad news. The Lords of Death stole it after you ran away.
Jack Burton: They stole my truck?
Wang Chi: It's ok Jack, you're with friend, we'll find it for you.
Jack Burton: You're Goddamn right your gonna help me find it, and my money, and time is money to a guy lik me...
[points to uncle Chu]
Jack Burton: ... and your phone is dead by the way.
Uncle Chu: China is here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, they've been fighting for centuries.
Jack Burton: What the hell does that mean? huh? China is here, I don't even know what the hell that means, all I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!
Wang Chi: Jack please...
[lightning strikes and Wang becomes silent]
Uncle Chu: WHAT HAPPENED!
Wang Chi: He didnt uncle Chu, not like he says.
Jack Burton: [diverting from his phone call] Sure did uncle Chu, 2 hours ago, Tall guy Weird clothes, first you see him then you don't.
[back to his call]
Jack Burton: yeah, is this just a switch board or something...
Uncle Chu: Lo Pan appeared on the street? Wang Chi why didn't you tell me?
Wang Chi: We didn't want to alarm you uncle.
Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I'm gonna tell you about an accident and I dont want to hear an act of god alright.
[enter Eddie]
Eddie: Good Afternoon Mr. Wong
Wang Chi: Eddie, meet my dear friend Jack Burton. Jack, Eddie is the new maitre'd here at the Black Pool.
Uncle Chu: And a whole lot more.
Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I don't know my policy number, it's in the glove compartment, just look under B.U.R.T.O.N. alright.
Uncle Chu: Jack Burton?
[Jack turns to his name being called]
Uncle Chu: Wow, the guy you always told me about huh? So that was your abandon truck.
Jack Burton: Yeah, abandon like hell.
[to the phone]
Jack Burton: Hey! Hello! Hello! AAHHH Christ.
Eddie: Bad news. The Lords of Death stole it after you ran away.
Jack Burton: They stole my truck?
Wang Chi: It's ok Jack, you're with friend, we'll find it for you.
Jack Burton: You're Goddamn right your gonna help me find it, and my money, and time is money to a guy lik me...
[points to uncle Chu]
Jack Burton: ... and your phone is dead by the way.
Lo Pan: And when I find her, I will marry her...
Wang Chi: Never!
Lo Pan: Ching Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted!
Jack Burton: And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
Lo Pan: Indeed!
Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?
Wang Chi: Jack, will you...?
Jack Burton: "Jack" what? I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years, he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!
Lo Pan: There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.
Wang Chi: Never!
Lo Pan: Ching Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted!
Jack Burton: And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
Lo Pan: Indeed!
Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?
Wang Chi: Jack, will you...?
Jack Burton: "Jack" what? I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years, he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!
Lo Pan: There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.
Pinstripe lawyer: Okay. But if I'm gonna be your attorney, there are a few things that I have to know that, uh, still don't make any sense to me. Like, um, you really believe in magic?
Egg Shen: You mean Chinese black magic?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes.
Egg Shen: Oh, absolutely.
Pinstripe lawyer: Are you still serious about this? And, uh, monsters and ghosts as well, I suppose?
Egg Shen: Oh, sure. And sorcery.
Pinstripe lawyer: And I suppose that, uh, you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?
Egg Shen: Of course!
Pinstripe lawyer: Why?
Egg Shen: Because it's real.
Pinstripe lawyer: How can I know that, Mr. Shen?
Egg Shen: How?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?
[Shen raises his hands, and a small bolt of lightning jumps between his palms. The lawyer stares, open-mouthed]
Egg Shen: See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small.
Egg Shen: You mean Chinese black magic?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes.
Egg Shen: Oh, absolutely.
Pinstripe lawyer: Are you still serious about this? And, uh, monsters and ghosts as well, I suppose?
Egg Shen: Oh, sure. And sorcery.
Pinstripe lawyer: And I suppose that, uh, you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?
Egg Shen: Of course!
Pinstripe lawyer: Why?
Egg Shen: Because it's real.
Pinstripe lawyer: How can I know that, Mr. Shen?
Egg Shen: How?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?
[Shen raises his hands, and a small bolt of lightning jumps between his palms. The lawyer stares, open-mouthed]
Egg Shen: See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small.
Egg Shen: Can see things no one else can see. Do things no one else can do.
Jack Burton: Real things?
Egg Shen: As real as Lo Pan!
Jack Burton: Hey, what more can a guy ask for?
Egg Shen: Oh, the six-demon bag!
Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!
Jack Burton: Real things?
Egg Shen: As real as Lo Pan!
Jack Burton: Hey, what more can a guy ask for?
Egg Shen: Oh, the six-demon bag!
Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!
Wang Chi: Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can't pay you today, okay?
Jack Burton: Oh, shit.
Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.
Eddie: And it's gonna cost. She's got green eyes.
Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that's an extra to these people. It's like leather bucket seats, it's double the price.
Jack Burton: Oh, shit.
Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.
Eddie: And it's gonna cost. She's got green eyes.
Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that's an extra to these people. It's like leather bucket seats, it's double the price.
Lo Pan: They have returned. And this time they are not alone. Egg Shen is with them. Little bastard sorcerer has brought them through the Bog of the Dead Trees.
[calling to him telepathically]
Lo Pan: Egg Shen... EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin.
[cackles]
Lo Pan: That's right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!
[calling to him telepathically]
Lo Pan: Egg Shen... EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin.
[cackles]
Lo Pan: That's right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!
Wang Chi: Jack, first I gotta go somewhere, Jack.
Jack Burton: No, you don't.
Wang Chi: Yeah, I do. So how 'bout we meet at my restaurant in a few hours, you know? I pay the money then.
Jack Burton: Pay the money now! Where you gotta go?
Wang Chi: The airport.
Jack Burton: Yeah, right. Over my dead body.
Wang Chi: If need be.
Jack Burton: No, you don't.
Wang Chi: Yeah, I do. So how 'bout we meet at my restaurant in a few hours, you know? I pay the money then.
Jack Burton: Pay the money now! Where you gotta go?
Wang Chi: The airport.
Jack Burton: Yeah, right. Over my dead body.
Wang Chi: If need be.
Lo Pan: [Yells at Wang in Chinese after growing frustrated with Jack's dismissive attitude] Mr. Burton, if you have an influence over your youthful friend, you better exert it now. Otherwise, I will have you both brought out to the hell where people are skinned alive it's that simple, understand?
Jack Burton: [Leans forward] Are you crazy, is that your problem?
Wang Chi: No, he means it Jack.
Jack Burton: [Leans forward] Are you crazy, is that your problem?
Wang Chi: No, he means it Jack.
