Bicentennial Man Quotes
An android endeavors to become human as he gradually acquires emotions.
President Marjorie Bota: Andrew Martin
Andrew Martin: I've always tried to make sense of things. There must be some reason I am as I am. As you can see, Madame Chairman, I am no longer immortal.
President Marjorie Bota: You have arranged to die?
Andrew Martin: In a sense I have. I am growing old, my body is deteriorating, and like all of you, will eventually cease to function. As a robot, I could have lived forever. But I tell you all today, I would rather die a man, than live for all eternity a machine.
President Marjorie Bota: Why do you want this?
Andrew Martin: To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.
President Marjorie Bota: Mister Martin, what you are asking for is extremely complex and controversial. It will not be an easy decision. I must ask for your patience while I take the necessary time to make a determination of this extremely delicate matter.
Andrew Martin: And I await your decision, Madame Chairman, thank-you for your patience.
[turns to Portia and whispers]
Andrew Martin: I tried.
Andrew Martin: I've always tried to make sense of things. There must be some reason I am as I am. As you can see, Madame Chairman, I am no longer immortal.
President Marjorie Bota: You have arranged to die?
Andrew Martin: In a sense I have. I am growing old, my body is deteriorating, and like all of you, will eventually cease to function. As a robot, I could have lived forever. But I tell you all today, I would rather die a man, than live for all eternity a machine.
President Marjorie Bota: Why do you want this?
Andrew Martin: To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.
President Marjorie Bota: Mister Martin, what you are asking for is extremely complex and controversial. It will not be an easy decision. I must ask for your patience while I take the necessary time to make a determination of this extremely delicate matter.
Andrew Martin: And I await your decision, Madame Chairman, thank-you for your patience.
[turns to Portia and whispers]
Andrew Martin: I tried.
World Congress Moderator: Ladies and Gentlemen: Ms. Marjorie Bota, President of the World Congress.
President Marjorie Bota: According to the records at the NorthAm Robotics Company, the robot also known as Andrew Martin, was powered up at 5:15 pm on April 3rd, 2005. In a few hours, he'll be 200 years old, which means that with the exception of Methuselah and other biblical figures, Andrew is the oldest living human in recorded history. For it is by this proclamation, I validate his marriage to Portia Charney, and acknowledge his humanity.
President Marjorie Bota: According to the records at the NorthAm Robotics Company, the robot also known as Andrew Martin, was powered up at 5:15 pm on April 3rd, 2005. In a few hours, he'll be 200 years old, which means that with the exception of Methuselah and other biblical figures, Andrew is the oldest living human in recorded history. For it is by this proclamation, I validate his marriage to Portia Charney, and acknowledge his humanity.
Rupert Burns: What do they say?
Andrew Martin: That you can lose yourself. Everything. All boundaries. All time. That two bodies can become so mixed up, that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die... you kind of do. Leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That's a miracle. You can go to heaven and come back alive. You can go back anytime you want with the one you love.
Rupert Burns: And you want to experience that?
Andrew Martin: Oh, yes, please.
Rupert Burns: So do I.
Andrew Martin: That you can lose yourself. Everything. All boundaries. All time. That two bodies can become so mixed up, that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die... you kind of do. Leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That's a miracle. You can go to heaven and come back alive. You can go back anytime you want with the one you love.
Rupert Burns: And you want to experience that?
Andrew Martin: Oh, yes, please.
Rupert Burns: So do I.
Andrew Martin: May one, sir? Is now a good time?
'Ma'am' Martin: What? A good time for what?
Andrew Martin: Last night, Sir taught...
Sir: No, no, no, don't blame me Andrew. Just... go ahead.
Andrew Martin: Thank you sir
Andrew Martin: [Very fast] Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it! What is a brunette between two blondes? A translator! Do you know why blind people don't like to sky-dive? It scares their dogs! A man with demensia is driving on the freeway. His wife calls him on the mobile phone and says "Sweetheart, I heard there's someone driving the wrong way on the freeway." He says "One? There's hundreds!" What's silent and smells like worms? Bird farts. It must have been an engineer who designed the human body. Who else would put a waste processing plant next to a recreation area? A woman goes into a doctor's office, and the doctor says "Do you mind if I numb your breasts?" "Not at all." *makes 'motor-boating' noise. "Num-num-num-num."
Andrew Martin: [Family chuckles] One did it sir!
Sir: Andrew, it was fine, but we might want to talk about appropriatness and um, and timing.
Andrew Martin: It's ten-fifteen sir.
[Family laughs hysterically]
'Ma'am' Martin: What? A good time for what?
Andrew Martin: Last night, Sir taught...
Sir: No, no, no, don't blame me Andrew. Just... go ahead.
Andrew Martin: Thank you sir
Andrew Martin: [Very fast] Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it! What is a brunette between two blondes? A translator! Do you know why blind people don't like to sky-dive? It scares their dogs! A man with demensia is driving on the freeway. His wife calls him on the mobile phone and says "Sweetheart, I heard there's someone driving the wrong way on the freeway." He says "One? There's hundreds!" What's silent and smells like worms? Bird farts. It must have been an engineer who designed the human body. Who else would put a waste processing plant next to a recreation area? A woman goes into a doctor's office, and the doctor says "Do you mind if I numb your breasts?" "Not at all." *makes 'motor-boating' noise. "Num-num-num-num."
Andrew Martin: [Family chuckles] One did it sir!
Sir: Andrew, it was fine, but we might want to talk about appropriatness and um, and timing.
Andrew Martin: It's ten-fifteen sir.
[Family laughs hysterically]
[Andrew has transfused blood into his system]
Rupert Burns: Galatea, my dear, where are we?
Galatea: The transfusion is almost complete.
Rupert Burns: Is that so?
[to Andrew]
Rupert Burns: Just goes to show you, Andrew - somebody becomes a human being, sooner or later, they do something monumentally stupid.
Andrew Martin: You've been a great example, Rupert. How quickly will the blood degrade my system?
Rupert Burns: Oh, I don't know. You exercise, eat right, I'd say 30, 40 years.
Andrew Martin: That's a little vague, chief. You don't know exactly how long I'll last?
Rupert Burns: Sorry.
[puts his hand on Andrew's shoulder]
Rupert Burns: Welcome to the human condition.
Rupert Burns: Galatea, my dear, where are we?
Galatea: The transfusion is almost complete.
Rupert Burns: Is that so?
[to Andrew]
Rupert Burns: Just goes to show you, Andrew - somebody becomes a human being, sooner or later, they do something monumentally stupid.
Andrew Martin: You've been a great example, Rupert. How quickly will the blood degrade my system?
Rupert Burns: Oh, I don't know. You exercise, eat right, I'd say 30, 40 years.
Andrew Martin: That's a little vague, chief. You don't know exactly how long I'll last?
Rupert Burns: Sorry.
[puts his hand on Andrew's shoulder]
Rupert Burns: Welcome to the human condition.
Andrew Martin: What a piece of fecal matter.
Rupert Burns: Shit.
Andrew Martin: Excuse me?
Rupert Burns: What a piece of shit.
Andrew Martin: I know that.
Rupert Burns: No, that's what you say when you're frustrated. You say, "piece of shit."
Andrew Martin: "Piece of shit"?
Rupert Burns: Yes, but with feeling.
Andrew Martin: Oh. What a piece of shit.
Rupert Burns: More.
Andrew Martin: What a piece of shit!
Rupert Burns: Shit.
Andrew Martin: Excuse me?
Rupert Burns: What a piece of shit.
Andrew Martin: I know that.
Rupert Burns: No, that's what you say when you're frustrated. You say, "piece of shit."
Andrew Martin: "Piece of shit"?
Rupert Burns: Yes, but with feeling.
Andrew Martin: Oh. What a piece of shit.
Rupert Burns: More.
Andrew Martin: What a piece of shit!
[Teaching Andrew to tell jokes]
Sir: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Andrew Martin: One does not know, sir, possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other of the road, if it's a male chicken. Possibly a food source, or depending on the season it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
Sir: To get to the other side.
Andrew Martin: To get to the other side. Ah, why is that funny?
Sir: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Andrew Martin: One does not know, sir, possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other of the road, if it's a male chicken. Possibly a food source, or depending on the season it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
Sir: To get to the other side.
Andrew Martin: To get to the other side. Ah, why is that funny?
Andrew Martin: Sir, is everything all right?
Sir: Umm. They've both gone now, Andrew. Well, things change, things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. But, what I realized today is that I'll never stop missing them.
Andrew Martin: Sir? One is still here.
Sir: And one is glad of that Andrew. Thank you.
Sir: Umm. They've both gone now, Andrew. Well, things change, things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. But, what I realized today is that I'll never stop missing them.
Andrew Martin: Sir? One is still here.
Sir: And one is glad of that Andrew. Thank you.
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: Oh, Aaaandreeeew! Could you come up?
Andrew Martin: [at the first floor, walks to her] Yes, miss?
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: Andrew, would you please open the window?
Andrew Martin: One is glad to be of service.
[He opens the window]
Andrew Martin: [turns back to Grace] A lovely breeze!
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: [with an arrogant gaze] Now jump.
Andrew Martin: [jumps, jumps, jumps, jumps]
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: No! Out the window!
Andrew Martin: [thus jumps out of the window]
Sir: [yet playing chess with his wife] Did you hear something?
'Ma'am' Martin: An earthquake?
Andrew Martin: [at the first floor, walks to her] Yes, miss?
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: Andrew, would you please open the window?
Andrew Martin: One is glad to be of service.
[He opens the window]
Andrew Martin: [turns back to Grace] A lovely breeze!
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: [with an arrogant gaze] Now jump.
Andrew Martin: [jumps, jumps, jumps, jumps]
'Miss' Grace Martin - Age 9: No! Out the window!
Andrew Martin: [thus jumps out of the window]
Sir: [yet playing chess with his wife] Did you hear something?
'Ma'am' Martin: An earthquake?
Andrew Martin: [stomach growls] What was that?
Portia: That's your stomach growling. You're hungry.
[flatulence]
Andrew Martin: Was that me?
Portia: Yes.
Andrew Martin: I thought it was you.
Portia: No, it wasn't me.
Andrew Martin: Really? Ooh. Do you do that?
Portia: Sometimes... but quieter than that.
Andrew Martin: I'll have to have Rupert make me a muffler.
Portia: That's your stomach growling. You're hungry.
[flatulence]
Andrew Martin: Was that me?
Portia: Yes.
Andrew Martin: I thought it was you.
Portia: No, it wasn't me.
Andrew Martin: Really? Ooh. Do you do that?
Portia: Sometimes... but quieter than that.
Andrew Martin: I'll have to have Rupert make me a muffler.
