Batman Quotes
The Dark Knight of Gotham City begins his war on crime with his first major enemy being the clownishly homicidal Joker.
Bruce Wayne: I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
The Joker: I like him already.
[laughs]
Bruce Wayne: Now you know the problem was... he got sloppy. You know? Crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
[Walks towards the fireplace]
Bruce Wayne: Couldn't keep it straight up here.
[Points to his head]
Bruce Wayne: He was the kind of guy who couldn't hear the train until it was 2 feet from him.
The Joker: Hmm.
[Smiles and nods his head]
Bruce Wayne: You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
The Joker: [Shakes his head]
Bruce Wayne: Well... he made mistakes. Then he had his
[grabs a poker and smashes a vase]
Bruce Wayne: LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
The Joker: I like him already.
[laughs]
Bruce Wayne: Now you know the problem was... he got sloppy. You know? Crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
[Walks towards the fireplace]
Bruce Wayne: Couldn't keep it straight up here.
[Points to his head]
Bruce Wayne: He was the kind of guy who couldn't hear the train until it was 2 feet from him.
The Joker: Hmm.
[Smiles and nods his head]
Bruce Wayne: You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
The Joker: [Shakes his head]
Bruce Wayne: Well... he made mistakes. Then he had his
[grabs a poker and smashes a vase]
Bruce Wayne: LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom: Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker: Don't bother.
Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom: Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker: You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom: Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker: Don't bother.
Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom: Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker: You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
Eddie: Hey, let's beat it, man. I don't like it up here.
Nic: What are ya, scared of heights?
Eddie: I don't know. After what happened to Johnny Gobs...
Nic: Hey, look, man. Johnny Gobs got ripped and took a walk off a roof, all right? No big loss.
Eddie: No man... that ain't what I heard at all. I heard that the Bat got him.
Nic: The Bat? Aw man, give me a break, will ya?
Eddie: Five stories straight down. There wasn't no blood in the body.
Nic: No shit. It was all over the pavement.
Nic: What are ya, scared of heights?
Eddie: I don't know. After what happened to Johnny Gobs...
Nic: Hey, look, man. Johnny Gobs got ripped and took a walk off a roof, all right? No big loss.
Eddie: No man... that ain't what I heard at all. I heard that the Bat got him.
Nic: The Bat? Aw man, give me a break, will ya?
Eddie: Five stories straight down. There wasn't no blood in the body.
Nic: No shit. It was all over the pavement.
Joker: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
Ricorso: Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli: Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
Joker: Life's been good to me.
Rotelli: What if we say no?
Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
Rotelli: Yeah?
Joker: Yeah.
[Rotelli shakes hands with The Joker and starts to get electrocuted]
Joker: Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
[the Joker starts to laugh hysterically, as Rotelli catches fire]
Joker: [singing] Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
[the Joker drops Rotelli, charred to a crisp, into his seat]
Joker: [fanning away the smoke with his hat] Antoine got a little "hot" under the collar.
Ricorso: You're crazy.
Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
[He begins to laugh again and mops sweat from his brow, exposing a patch of chalk-white flesh]
Joker: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
Ricorso: Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli: Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
Joker: Life's been good to me.
Rotelli: What if we say no?
Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
Rotelli: Yeah?
Joker: Yeah.
[Rotelli shakes hands with The Joker and starts to get electrocuted]
Joker: Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
[the Joker starts to laugh hysterically, as Rotelli catches fire]
Joker: [singing] Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
[the Joker drops Rotelli, charred to a crisp, into his seat]
Joker: [fanning away the smoke with his hat] Antoine got a little "hot" under the collar.
Ricorso: You're crazy.
Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
[He begins to laugh again and mops sweat from his brow, exposing a patch of chalk-white flesh]
Joker: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
Dist. Atty. Harvey Dent: We've received a letter from Batman this morning. 'Please inform the citizens of Gotham that Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But if the forces of evil should rise again, to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, call me.'
Alexander Knox: Question. How do we call him?
Commissioner Jim Gordon: He gave us a signal.
[Commissioner Gordon activates the Bat Signal]
Alexander Knox: Question. How do we call him?
Commissioner Jim Gordon: He gave us a signal.
[Commissioner Gordon activates the Bat Signal]
Jack Napier: Why, Eckhardt, you oughta think about the future.
Eckhardt: You mean when you run this show? You ain't got no future, Jack! You're an A-1 nut boy and Grissom knows it!
[Jack pushes Eckhardt against the wall, and Eckhardt whips out his gun. Bob steps up from behind Jack with his gun pointed at Eckhardt]
Jack Napier: Better be sure.
[Eckhardt's lowers his gun]
Jack Napier: See? You can make a good decision when you try.
[he chuckles as he and Bob walk away]
Eckhardt: You mean when you run this show? You ain't got no future, Jack! You're an A-1 nut boy and Grissom knows it!
[Jack pushes Eckhardt against the wall, and Eckhardt whips out his gun. Bob steps up from behind Jack with his gun pointed at Eckhardt]
Jack Napier: Better be sure.
[Eckhardt's lowers his gun]
Jack Napier: See? You can make a good decision when you try.
[he chuckles as he and Bob walk away]
Joker: [shows up unexpectedly at Vicki's place] Miss me? Nice place you've got here. Lots of space. Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.
Jack Napier: Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else.
Alicia: Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier: Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
Alicia: If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something.
Jack Napier: Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.
Alicia: Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier: Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
Alicia: If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something.
Jack Napier: Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.
The Joker: Joker here.
TV Technician: We got interference. Call the OB unit, will ya?
The Joker: Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which *were* true under that fiend, Boss Grissom. He *was* a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a *killer*. I am an artist. I *love* a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!
TV Technician: We got interference. Call the OB unit, will ya?
The Joker: Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which *were* true under that fiend, Boss Grissom. He *was* a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a *killer*. I am an artist. I *love* a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!
