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A group of nine college students staying at a friend's remote island mansion begin to fall victim to an unseen murderer over the April Fool's day weekend.
Chaz Vyshinski: Boy Muffy, you really know how to make a guy look forward to... dessert. Arch Cummings: Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!
Chaz Vyshinski: Hey guy, your fly is open and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out.
Kit Graham: Muffy hasn't been in an institution for three years, she's been at Vassar!
Harvey Edison, Jr.: I know you think I'm a hick, but I'd like to change your mind about that if you'd give me a chance. Nikki Brashares: Why? Harvey Edison, Jr.: Because I would really like to plow your field.
Chaz Vyshinski: [watching Kit and Rob through binoculars] Respectable young Quaker couple returning from a quiet afternoon of nonviolent sex.
Arch Cummings: You're telling me! When I was out there swinging in the woods, I nearly crapped my pants. Cal the Ferryman: What do you mean, "nearly"? Chaz Vyshinski: Arch? You browned your trou? Arch Cummings: Well, uh... you know, I was... Constable Sam Potter: It's all right Arch, they'll be out of the dryer soon.
Clara: Have a nice party. Muffy: Nice? It's gotta be better than nice. It's gotta be bloody unforgettable.
Kit Graham: And don't anyone say 'April Fools' again or I'll rip them apart! Skip St. John, Arch Cummings: Cough-cough-April Fools!-cough-cough
Kit Graham: Oh Ha Ha. HA HA HA HA! That's really funny, you guys. Really funny! Fuck you!