40 Days and 40 Nights Quotes
After a brutal break-up, a young man vows to stay celibate during the forty days of Lent, but finds the girl of his dreams and is unable to do anything about it.
Mandy: [Mandy describes to Matt the importance of women's power of abstinence] Women have been doing this since, well, forever, so we know all about the power. See, us having the power, that's part of the system, and by you taking the power, you're fucking with the system. And I think you see why we can't let that happen.
Ryan: [upon learning Matt's given up sex for Lent] One - you can't do it. It's j... This isn't a personal attack towards you, I'm just saying that no man can do it. It goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds, man! You're gonna... It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?
Matt: [patiently] And two?
Ryan: Two - are you out of your fucking mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich! You think you can go 40 days? Four... Do... This isn't normal. Did your brother put you up to this or something?
Matt: No. You know what? He's about as supportive as you are. And what do you care, anyway? This doesn't affect you in any way.
Ryan: You... This affects everyone.
Matt: [patiently] And two?
Ryan: Two - are you out of your fucking mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich! You think you can go 40 days? Four... Do... This isn't normal. Did your brother put you up to this or something?
Matt: No. You know what? He's about as supportive as you are. And what do you care, anyway? This doesn't affect you in any way.
Ryan: You... This affects everyone.
Nicole: [as she's getting thrown out of Matt's apartment] Matt, I am... so mad that I have... I have to tell you. Watching you standing up for yourself like this has never made me so... so... hot. I *like* this. Where have *you* been? You can slam that door in my face if you want, but I'll just be on the other side, even hotter. Holy Hell! Slam that door in my dirty, bad, bad face. Oh, God, Matt, slam it!
[slam]
[slam]
Ryan: Look, Matt, I know you're still trying to work out your Nicole issues with the big black hole, but trust me, trust me...
Matt: I don't have any Nicole issues.
Ryan: ...you...
[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]
Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months.' And she's hot, Matt, I don't mind looking at her. I'm just saying you have issues.
Matt: I don't have any Nicole issues.
Ryan: ...you...
[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]
Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months.' And she's hot, Matt, I don't mind looking at her. I'm just saying you have issues.
Erica: Don't you ever feel like you just keep meeting the same exact people over and over? You know, like people that went to *this* kind of college and...
Matt: And now in *that* kind of job, right?
Erica: Yeah. I wanna have a party with a list on my door of all my friends and friends of friends, and if you're on that list, or know somebody on that list, then you cannot come in.
Matt: How do you know I am not on that list?
Erica: Nobody on that list would have talked to me like you did last week. Or *not* talked to me.
Matt: And now in *that* kind of job, right?
Erica: Yeah. I wanna have a party with a list on my door of all my friends and friends of friends, and if you're on that list, or know somebody on that list, then you cannot come in.
Matt: How do you know I am not on that list?
Erica: Nobody on that list would have talked to me like you did last week. Or *not* talked to me.
Ryan: [Ryan enters Matt's bedroom wearing rubber gloves and carrying a portable ultraviolet light] Surprise inspection.
Matt: What the hell's that thing?
Ryan: It's a special light that allows me to see if any fluids have been liberated.
[Examines Matt's bed, finds nothing]
Ryan: Keep up the good work.
Matt: What the hell's that thing?
Ryan: It's a special light that allows me to see if any fluids have been liberated.
[Examines Matt's bed, finds nothing]
Ryan: Keep up the good work.
Ryan: [Giving sex advice to Matt] All right, all right, all right. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna strap a helmet on Big John, put him in the game, and he will play his little heart out, okay? He'll put up big numbers for you. You're gonna forget about the cracks in the ceiling, forget about Nicole. Go out and give your star player the support he needs. Right?
Matt: Listen, isn't part of the priestly thing giving relationship advice?
John Sullivan: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing - and stop calling it that - is not to have sex, remember?
Matt: Now, it's funny - I didn't say a thing about sex.
John Sullivan: Sure you did.
Matt: No, I didn't. I guess thinking about sex *is* part of the priestly thing - at least for some.
John Sullivan: Get out.
Matt: Fine.
John Sullivan: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing - and stop calling it that - is not to have sex, remember?
Matt: Now, it's funny - I didn't say a thing about sex.
John Sullivan: Sure you did.
Matt: No, I didn't. I guess thinking about sex *is* part of the priestly thing - at least for some.
John Sullivan: Get out.
Matt: Fine.
Bagel Guy: [Unaware he's talking to Matt about his former girlfriend] Whew, I can't believe it because that girl, you can't even look right at her. She's so hot you need one of those cardboard eclipse-watching things just to look directly at her, she's so radiantly hot! It makes me want to just throw her down, you know, and just
[hip-thrusts the table before him]
Bagel Guy: . You know what I mean? I'm glad we can connect on that.
[hip-thrusts the table before him]
Bagel Guy: . You know what I mean? I'm glad we can connect on that.
