3rd Rock from the Sun Quotes
A group of aliens are sent to Earth, disguised as a human family, to experience and report life on the 3rd planet from the sun.
Officer Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy, and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy, and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
Tommy Solomon: Isn't that the plot to 'The Lion King'?
Tommy Solomon: Isn't that the plot to 'The Lion King'?
Dick Solomon: I want ceaseless joy and never-ending passion like Romeo and Juliet.
Mary Albright: They both wound up dead.
Dick Solomon: Antony and Cleopatra.
Mary Albright: Dead.
Dick Solomon: That couple from Wuthering Heights.
Mary Albright: Insane and dead.
Dick Solomon: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda.
Mary Albright: Drunk, insane, and dead.
Dick Solomon: Tristan and Isolde.
Mary Albright: Abgeschossen.
Dick Solomon: Aha, Siegfried and Roy.
Mary Albright: Okay, one.
Mary Albright: They both wound up dead.
Dick Solomon: Antony and Cleopatra.
Mary Albright: Dead.
Dick Solomon: That couple from Wuthering Heights.
Mary Albright: Insane and dead.
Dick Solomon: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda.
Mary Albright: Drunk, insane, and dead.
Dick Solomon: Tristan and Isolde.
Mary Albright: Abgeschossen.
Dick Solomon: Aha, Siegfried and Roy.
Mary Albright: Okay, one.
Coach Strickland: Solomon, climb the rope!
Tommy Solomon: What's at the top of the rope?
Coach Strickland: Your self-esteem.
Tommy Solomon: My self-esteem?
Coach Strickland: Now climb the rope or you get to go sit with the girls.
Tommy Solomon: So if I don't climb the rope, I get to go sit with the girls? You're going to have to help me out here, I'm failing to see the downside!
Tommy Solomon: What's at the top of the rope?
Coach Strickland: Your self-esteem.
Tommy Solomon: My self-esteem?
Coach Strickland: Now climb the rope or you get to go sit with the girls.
Tommy Solomon: So if I don't climb the rope, I get to go sit with the girls? You're going to have to help me out here, I'm failing to see the downside!
Tommy Solomon: I am now the coolest punk in school.
Dick Solomon: Well, congratulations. What did you do?
Tommy Solomon: I got suspended for setting off the fire alarm.
Dick Solomon: They suspended you? You saved hundreds of lives!
Tommy Solomon: That's the best part; there was no fire.
Dick Solomon: Tommy, this is outrageous! The next time you set off the fire alarm, you'd damn well better start a fire first.
Dick Solomon: Well, congratulations. What did you do?
Tommy Solomon: I got suspended for setting off the fire alarm.
Dick Solomon: They suspended you? You saved hundreds of lives!
Tommy Solomon: That's the best part; there was no fire.
Dick Solomon: Tommy, this is outrageous! The next time you set off the fire alarm, you'd damn well better start a fire first.
Dick Solomon: Nina, who is this 'Tom' that Mary keeps talking about?
Nina Campbell: I don't know, and it's none of my business.
Dick Solomon: It's none of my business and I'm obsessed with it!
Nina Campbell: That's typical. Why is it that men think that when you plant the flag, you own the mountain.
Dick Solomon: I spent two years climbing that mountain, and I'm not about to let some guy yodel on it!
Nina Campbell: I don't know, and it's none of my business.
Dick Solomon: It's none of my business and I'm obsessed with it!
Nina Campbell: That's typical. Why is it that men think that when you plant the flag, you own the mountain.
Dick Solomon: I spent two years climbing that mountain, and I'm not about to let some guy yodel on it!
Mary Albright: I think you look distinguished with gray hair.
Dick Solomon: Thank you. I think you would look distinguished with gray hair, too.
Mary Albright: No. When men get gray hair, they look distinguished. When women get gray hair, they look old.
Dick Solomon: When women get breasts, they look sexy. When men get breasts, they look old.
Mary Albright: Good point!
Dick Solomon: Thank you. I think you would look distinguished with gray hair, too.
Mary Albright: No. When men get gray hair, they look distinguished. When women get gray hair, they look old.
Dick Solomon: When women get breasts, they look sexy. When men get breasts, they look old.
Mary Albright: Good point!
Dick Solomon: I'm sorry, there is simply no room in the budget for raises. But I can go you one better: promotions! Sally, you are now *Senior* Security Officer.
Sally Solomon: That'll look good on the ol' résumé!
Dick Solomon: Tommy, you are now *Senior* Information Officer.
Tommy Solomon: It's about time!
Harry Solomon: What about me?
Dick Solomon: Harry, you are now... Harold.
Harry Solomon: Champagne for everyone!
Sally Solomon: That'll look good on the ol' résumé!
Dick Solomon: Tommy, you are now *Senior* Information Officer.
Tommy Solomon: It's about time!
Harry Solomon: What about me?
Dick Solomon: Harry, you are now... Harold.
Harry Solomon: Champagne for everyone!
Tommy Solomon: [Tommy and Harry are moving Sally's belongings out of the house]
[Tommy carries a large box with difficulty]
Tommy Solomon: Oh, Harry, you've got to help me with this box, it's filled with rocks and books and stuff.
Harry Solomon: Step aside.
[Harry grips the box and gets ready to push it up, as he does, the box flies over his head]
Tommy Solomon: [giggling] ... It was empty...
[Tommy leaves]
Harry Solomon: No.
[grabs the box and starts to leave]
Harry Solomon: I'm the strongest man in the world!
[Tommy carries a large box with difficulty]
Tommy Solomon: Oh, Harry, you've got to help me with this box, it's filled with rocks and books and stuff.
Harry Solomon: Step aside.
[Harry grips the box and gets ready to push it up, as he does, the box flies over his head]
Tommy Solomon: [giggling] ... It was empty...
[Tommy leaves]
Harry Solomon: No.
[grabs the box and starts to leave]
Harry Solomon: I'm the strongest man in the world!
Dick Solomon: Oh, Mary! I've had one of those terrible dreams again! We were getting married!
Mary Albright: Oh.
Dick Solomon: No, that's the good part. Then, my family showed up.
Mary Albright: Oh, and they objected?
Dick Solomon: Well... They had issues.
Mary Albright: Don't worry. I wrote a speech in case that happens. Well, it's just two words. One of them's "off".
Mary Albright: Oh.
Dick Solomon: No, that's the good part. Then, my family showed up.
Mary Albright: Oh, and they objected?
Dick Solomon: Well... They had issues.
Mary Albright: Don't worry. I wrote a speech in case that happens. Well, it's just two words. One of them's "off".
Sally Solomon: What happened, Harry?
Harry Solomon: It came out!
Dick Solomon: Is it an alien?
Harry Solomon: Well, it's purple, and it's slimy, and it's got a hose.
Sally Solomon: A hose?
Tommy Solomon: Oh, great. It's a mutant.
Dick Solomon: Alright, we'll kidnap him, and hide him, when it's a teenager we'll set him free, and then if it's really messed up, we can blame him on television.
[Marry Albright arrives]
Mary Albright: They just brought him to the nursery. He is positively glowing.
Harry Solomon: Now it's glowing.
Mary Albright: Let's go see him. He's got Vicky's eyes.
Harry Solomon: What's he doing with Vicky's eyes?
Sally Solomon: I just hope it's not eating them.
Harry Solomon: It came out!
Dick Solomon: Is it an alien?
Harry Solomon: Well, it's purple, and it's slimy, and it's got a hose.
Sally Solomon: A hose?
Tommy Solomon: Oh, great. It's a mutant.
Dick Solomon: Alright, we'll kidnap him, and hide him, when it's a teenager we'll set him free, and then if it's really messed up, we can blame him on television.
[Marry Albright arrives]
Mary Albright: They just brought him to the nursery. He is positively glowing.
Harry Solomon: Now it's glowing.
Mary Albright: Let's go see him. He's got Vicky's eyes.
Harry Solomon: What's he doing with Vicky's eyes?
Sally Solomon: I just hope it's not eating them.
[around Super Bowl season]
Harry Solomon: Tell me what you've done to Sally. Where are you taking her?
Mascha: I can't. I wish I could.
Harry Solomon: Can't you give me a hint?
Mascha: All right... We're going to do something on the weekend... in San Diego.
Harry Solomon: Why can't you give me hint?
Mascha: We're going to do something on Sunday... in San Diego.
Harry Solomon: Just one clue?
Mascha: We're going to something on SUNDAY... in SAN DIEGO... at a STADIUM.
Harry Solomon: Just one tiny clue?
Mascha: The Super Bowl, Harry!
Harry Solomon: WORK WITH ME, BABY! WHICH SUPER BOWL?
Harry Solomon: Tell me what you've done to Sally. Where are you taking her?
Mascha: I can't. I wish I could.
Harry Solomon: Can't you give me a hint?
Mascha: All right... We're going to do something on the weekend... in San Diego.
Harry Solomon: Why can't you give me hint?
Mascha: We're going to do something on Sunday... in San Diego.
Harry Solomon: Just one clue?
Mascha: We're going to something on SUNDAY... in SAN DIEGO... at a STADIUM.
Harry Solomon: Just one tiny clue?
Mascha: The Super Bowl, Harry!
Harry Solomon: WORK WITH ME, BABY! WHICH SUPER BOWL?
Patty Muller: I don't envy you at having to take care of three men. I only got Frank and he's a full-time job. Just once, I'd like to see that man pick up a sock.
Sally Solomon: I'd like to see men put their dirty dishes in the sink.
Patty Muller: I'd like to see them do laundry.
Sally Solomon: I'd like to see them crammed between two steel wheels and ground into a fine paste.
Patty Muller: You know, I'd like to see that myself.
Sally Solomon: You let me know.
Sally Solomon: I'd like to see men put their dirty dishes in the sink.
Patty Muller: I'd like to see them do laundry.
Sally Solomon: I'd like to see them crammed between two steel wheels and ground into a fine paste.
Patty Muller: You know, I'd like to see that myself.
Sally Solomon: You let me know.
Dick Solomon: What does the crowd look like out there?
Sally Solomon: Why don't you open up the curtain and look?
Dick Solomon: Oh, nice breath. What did you have for lunch, garlic?
Sally Solomon: Well naturally you didn't eat lunch at all so you can chew on the scenery.
Dick Solomon: Great mastery of theater terms. Did you learn taht you in your book called "How to Perform on Stage?" because maybe you should start with the chapter called "How to Perform on Stage".
Sally Solomon: Yeah? Well maybe you shouldn't do card tricks that reflect off of your big, bald head!
Sally Solomon: Why don't you open up the curtain and look?
Dick Solomon: Oh, nice breath. What did you have for lunch, garlic?
Sally Solomon: Well naturally you didn't eat lunch at all so you can chew on the scenery.
Dick Solomon: Great mastery of theater terms. Did you learn taht you in your book called "How to Perform on Stage?" because maybe you should start with the chapter called "How to Perform on Stage".
Sally Solomon: Yeah? Well maybe you shouldn't do card tricks that reflect off of your big, bald head!
Evil Dick: Do I make myself clear, Tommy?
Harry Solomon: Oh no, I'm Harry.
Evil Dick: No, from now on you will be referred to as Tommy.
Tommy Solomon: Hey, what about me?
Evil Dick: You will be Tommy too.
Tommy Solomon: Wait, so Tommy as in the number 2 or as what...?
Evil Dick: You will all be known as Tommy!
Harry Solomon: Oh no, I'm Harry.
Evil Dick: No, from now on you will be referred to as Tommy.
Tommy Solomon: Hey, what about me?
Evil Dick: You will be Tommy too.
Tommy Solomon: Wait, so Tommy as in the number 2 or as what...?
Evil Dick: You will all be known as Tommy!
Tommy Solomon: [selling chocolate door to door, a priest opens the door] Hi, father. I'm trying to see these chocolate bars so the high school band can go to Washington... and learn about Christianity... and become priests.
[the priest slams the door in his face]
Tommy Solomon: Fine, then! They'll stay here in Rutherford and worship SATAN!
[the priest slams the door in his face]
Tommy Solomon: Fine, then! They'll stay here in Rutherford and worship SATAN!
Tommy Solomon: Remind me never to ask you for another favor again!
Dick Solomon: You weren't right for the role.
Harry Solomon: Hey, how'd the audition go?
Tommy Solomon: I lost the part. The "Di-rec-tor" didn't think I was good enough!
Dick Solomon: You were good: you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
Tommy Solomon: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Dick Solomon: 'Romeo & Juliet' is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!
Dick Solomon: You weren't right for the role.
Harry Solomon: Hey, how'd the audition go?
Tommy Solomon: I lost the part. The "Di-rec-tor" didn't think I was good enough!
Dick Solomon: You were good: you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
Tommy Solomon: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Dick Solomon: 'Romeo & Juliet' is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!
